Since my last post about mindset I had some amazing feedback from people and I thought I would post a few more of my tips on how to achieve a better, more positive mindset on a daily basis. These are all things that help me as a single mother to cope on those harder days especially as juggling work and parenthood is tiring! I hope these tips can help you out in a time of need.
1. Have things to look forward to every month
I know this might seem obvious but sometimes we can think our lives aren’t exciting enough thanks to all we see on social media. I have a countdown app on my phone where I set all my upcoming events, even things like payday as I know when I’ll have a bit of extra money to treat Kimaarah or go on a day out. I find that if I can view these all in one place it makes me feel a lot more positive about the months ahead, as I feel like when you’re a mum the days can all blur into one at times. It shows me exactly what I have planned & why I’m working so hard for. It also helps me organise when I can go out so I don’t over-commit myself, as I do appreciate having a bit of me time! Leading me onto my next tip …
2. Spend time on yourself, by yourself
I know you’re all going to say ‘easier said than done’ (if you do you need to go back and read the other post again lol). Me time when you’re a mum is so important, and as the days go by you might start forgetting who you even are?! When I’m at work on my lunch break I like to eat alone, and in that hour I think about the plans I have for the month / year, and think about the goals I have for myself and Kimaarah. This makes me feel a lot more positive and puts things into perspective. I also might spend time writing for the blog, even if it’s just random thoughts I feel like I’m getting stuff done!
3. Set goals for the short term and long term
In the notes section in my phone you will find things like ‘wanderlust’ with all the countries I want to visit, my bucket list of ‘40 things to do before I’m 40’ – which still remains unfinished because I don’t want things on there just for the sake of it! I find by having these visible at all times (because if you know me you know I’m never really away from my phone) it helps me to think about how I can plan for the years ahead. And helps me feel excited about life! Even though I’m a single mum I know I can still achieve things for myself. I like to set short term goals even if it’s just small things like taking Kimaarah to Disney on Ice, as well as long term goals that will take a little more time like going on holiday to Barbados!
4. Don’t forget who you were before you became a mum
This is one I’ve been thinking about more recently because as Kimaarah’s turned 3 she’s become a lot more demanding, I hear the word ‘mummy’ at least 347 times a day! In that whiny voice that makes me want to reach for the nearly empty bottle of wine in the fridge! I know I’m not alone. But guess what? You aren’t just a mum! Think about what you enjoy doing, for me it’s chilling in a bath with a Lush bath bomb without a little voice asking ‘can I come in too?’, eating some chocolate alone without being asked ‘can I have some?’ And having pampering time, even simple things like doing a face mask and getting my nails done. I make sure that I find time to do this. When Kimaarah turned 2 she got an extra day at nursery so once a week I get to have a day to do what I need to do as well as being alone with my thoughts, to re-charge and refresh myself! Which definitely helps me feel a lot calmer and more positive about this whole single parenting thing!
5. Don’t compare your life to others’
Everyday on Instagram you see people getting engaged, baby announcements, people buying houses, basically doing everything you aren’t. And you could look at it as ‘why is life working out for everyone else & not me?’ But what you have to realise is, everyone’s life is going at different paces, everyone is on their own time schedule. For a positive mindset it’s important to tune in to the things you are doing and achieving, rather than looking at what everyone else is doing. I always congratulate myself for what I’ve achieved no matter how big or small that thing is. Be aware of your own actions and how this is making you successful, this is another reason I’ve started this blog! Because I want to be successful in many ways and reach my goals. We only get one life to live! It’s too short for us to spend time comparing ourselves to others!
6. Delete negative people from your life & social media. Only follow people who inspire you and motivate you. I feel like this ones self explanatory but if you have someone that drains you and drags you down, don’t feel a way about removing them from your life! I don’t associate with people who aren’t ambitious, inspiring, kind, grateful or positive! Neither should you! Even if that person has been in your life for years, your inner peace and wellbeing is much more important than holding onto someone just for old times sake.
7. Learn the lesson in your mistakes, and don’t hold onto the pain.
When we go through life’s lessons we can be left feeling defeated, with a ‘why me’ outlook. We can feel that we’ve been given a setback which we’re not sure how to move forward from. But I read something on Instagram the other day which is so true, when you have a setback it doesn’t erase all of the hard work you’ve done beforehand! So it doesn’t mean you’re back to square one! Every single person on the planet makes mistakes, every one of these people has setbacks. But the most successful people don’t let these stop them from living their lives and still wanting to do well, why? They turn the negative into a positive, they know that pain is only temporary but success is forever. This is how I look at things now, I know that now I might be struggling at times, I may not have everything I want but with hard work and putting myself out there I will be recognised and I will live my best life. It’s so important not to hold onto pain because it will only hold you back, of course you should allow yourself to feel upset / angry but do not be consumed by these emotions or you will only hold yourself back from everything you want in life and the success you deserve!
8. Stop worrying about the things you can’t control. You cannot predict the future but you can control your own thoughts and actions and make sure that you stay focused on your own goals. What may or may not happen is irrelevant if you think positively and you know how to act when faced with an obstacle. Staying calm and trusting that whatever is meant for you will happen, is the key to sailing through life with a positive mind and achieving your goals.
9. Know that you can not control the thoughts and actions of others, stop trying!!! This has been so important for me being a single mother and having to deal with difficult people at times (mentioning no names) but I know I won’t be the only one! If you are a single parent you will know the frustrations faced when dealing with the other parent. A lot of my success as a single mum is based on this, listen to the TRUTH I’m about to tell you. If someone is going to be a parent they will, if they aren’t then they aren’t. If someone truly thinks their actions are acceptable, there’s nothing that will change that. Let them carry on! And carry on living your life! Don’t let others stop you from being the best parent you can be! In the future, all of the reality will become clear to your child, trust in this and remain calm and positive. The truth is, some people will always disappoint you, but only for as long as you allow them to.
9. Social media is a lie! This probably should have been higher on my list but as the photo above suggests, some people are rolling out that fake grass across those little squares on Insta, leading you to believe (or not) that somehow they have the picture perfect lives (especially these bloody fashion ‘influencers’). Of course there are always going to be people who have a bigger house than you / go on more holidays than you / have a better car than you etc etc .. but they will never be YOU! I really feel that sometimes social media makes us forget who we truly are and who we want to be! Never let someone on social media who you don’t even know in real life, make you feel that your whole life isn’t worthwhile. Celebrate your own successes and let others celebrate theirs, fake or not. No one, not even the richest, most successful people have the perfect life. Some people are just much better actors than others!
10. To finish this very long post, congratulations if you got this far lol, my last tip is just to spend time being grateful and thinking about what you do have in life rather than things you don’t have. As much as I want more from life I feel positive knowing that in time I will have more, even if it takes me a little longer than others I’m prepared to follow my own life journey. After all this time I know the best thing in my life is a beautiful daughter who I wished for so badly for many years, even being a single mum makes me feel so grateful that I don’t have someone dragging me down anymore, making me feel anxious and treating me badly!
I hope that this post has been useful to others and you can take away some of the tips I’ve shared. If you had any of your own tips for a positive mindset I would love to hear them! Leave a comment for me below and if you loved this post share it with your friends!