I’ve decided to write this blog post as it’s an important topic to me, but I’m also writing on a night when I feel particularly lonely (yes this does happen) just so I can get my words & feelings out and hopefully after I’ve posted this I’ll remind myself that there’s nothing better than lying in bed by yourself, with no one lying to you, and no one to chase after. No one to lose your pride, dignity and self respect for. I’m lying here reminding myself what an amazing job I’m doing even if I don’t 100% believe it, because some days I really need a break, but I know I’m definitely not alone. There are other single parents out there who aren’t putting up with fake love for the sake of a family. But in the same turn there are Mother’s who are putting on a brave face for social media, for their friends and family who have no idea that their relationships & marriages are crumbling away and they can’t seem to find a way out. They don’t feel brave enough to leave or they feel too ashamed. Worried about letting their family down. Worried about how it might affect their kids. This makes me feel so sad because I honestly believe in true love and from my past relationships I’ve learnt that what I deserve is a lot more than what I’ve been given. And I refuse to settle for less until I get it. So those nights I feel lonely I remind myself that I, Emma Hayes, deserve only the best from a man. I deserve the love and affection from a kind & decent man who would do anything for me, who won’t lie, won’t cheat, won’t put me down or make me feel insecure, makes me a priority. Who wants to build a future with me and treats me as the queen that I am. Who gives me all of his time and respect, knows how to communicate like a grown adult. He isn’t afraid to tell me how he feels. These are the basics ladies and if you haven’t got that well I’m sorry but what are you doing with yourselves. I have to give myself a kick sometimes because I know I deserve it deep down even if I don’t always believe it. But ladies I’m writing this post for you, the ladies who go to bed at night broken hearted, not knowing where your future is headed, whether your children would be okay without their father around all the time and how much longer you should carry on this facade, how many more chances you should give. This might be the hardest thing you do because there’s few things worse than giving your 100% to someone who only wants to give you 10% of theirs. I read a comment recently on one of my friends Facebook pages, where a girl commented in response to a ‘how do you deal with cheating’ question. She said something along the lines of when you’ve put time and effort in and there’s kids involved you have to think about it, and in some ways I agree but everyone has to have a limit. Would you honestly put up with cheating for the rest of your life just to have 2 parents in the home, I honestly find this mental! You’re going to go through 18+ years of being mistreated, disrespected, lied to, betrayed, worn into the ground, just for that picture perfect family image? Girl if this is you slap yourself and remember who the fuck you are, before you find yourself so tired of life you end up having some sort of mid life crisis, one person can only take so much. You HAVE to look after your own well-being, nurture yourself, protect yourself from negativity. Would you rather cut it off after (let’s say) 5 years or carry on for the rest of your life, surely it’s a no brainer?
To the people who put on this act for social media / their families / friends I can’t understand why, I have so much respect for the women who message me and say they’ve tried with their child’s father but it’s not working anymore. You can only try so much because when your efforts are not being matched and when that person doesn’t love you in the same way they used to you will know that it’s time, to think about yourself and your children. Your children deserve the most love and sometimes your efforts are being taken away from them because you’re so busy stressing over working on your ‘relationship’ which is sinking like the Titanic. Trust in yourself that you can give your children the love they need on your own, you will always be their number one, and their ‘best friend’ even when they’re all grown up but especially now while they’re young. I’ve been lucky in a way because Kimaarah has been used to me being alone from a young age and it hasn’t affected her, she has a relationship with her dad but doesn’t ask about us not being together, and if those questions come up in future I’ll answer them as honestly as I can because I don’t believe in lying or covering things up to children (of course I’ll explain in an age appropriate way)
To love yourself is one of the greatest gifts you could give your children, and one of the best lessons you could teach them. Don’t let them grow up thinking fake love is the one! Children are smart and know when something’s wrong, they deserve to have stability and security and if it’s not right then it’s up to you, the parents, to fix things, whether that means working it out or saying enough is enough.
To the single mums who decided not to accept anymore fake love I see you and I respect you. I see what you do for your children. I see you trying to better yourselves and achieve your goals so you can be a success story for your children to go on and lead great lives. Don’t ever give up & don’t look back in regret, this is a reminder to myself as well as all the amazing, powerful and inspirational women out there.